i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
