my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize