i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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