I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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