All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
