You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
