Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
