i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
