The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
