I love black thongs
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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