This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
