So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
