if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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