if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize
