I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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