i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
