he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
