If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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