I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM