yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?