they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.