I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
