Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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