I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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