It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
