What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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