Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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