fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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