i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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