just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my being single is dangerous.
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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