Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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