i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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