My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
