the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
