He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
