That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize