Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize