so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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