I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We have started to decorate penises.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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