Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
