Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
