something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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