Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
