apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
