I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
