No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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