i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
