Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
