I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
