After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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