Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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