Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
