you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
