Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
