One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
