I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
