What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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