i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
