Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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