Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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