No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
