The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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