You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
