Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
